I am thankful for Remicade

“What?!” my friends and family might say upon seeing Remicade on my list. “But you hated that drug!”

Sometimes it turns out that the things we are most thankful for are the same things we didn’t much like when we were experiencing them. So it went with me and Remicade, or Remi, as Doug and I nicknamed it.

I’ll be honest. I wasn’t excited to take this drug. When my GI doctor at the hospital said my options were Remicade (infliximab) or surgery, I was leaning towards the surgery. I found the thought of getting regular infusions of such a strong biologic medication for the rest of my life daunting. But I knew my doctors were right in their advice: I was in no shape for surgery at that time, being very sick, weak, under weight and on high doses of steroids. The plan was to take three infusions, and if all went well, heal up a bit. I would regain some strength and come out of the flare, and then I could see a colorectal surgeon to discuss possible surgical options.

So my short relationship with Remi began. And wow… was it great in the beginning! Within 5 days of my first infusion, the horrible flare that I had been battling for over a month came to an end, and I was able to leave the hospital. But there were signs that things were not going to be so rosy with me and Remi. The day before I left the hospital, I developed really intense throbbing back pain. I had an x-ray which revealed nothing, and I went home thinking it was just pain from being in a bed so long. Over the next week, things got much worse as the pain began to migrate to different joints one at a time and left me incapacitated and literally crying in agony for hours every day. It was crazy-bad and I knew it was nothing I could ever live with. And so, my relationship with Remi ended as abruptly as it began. My future infusions were cancelled due to the reaction, and the pain began to subside as the drug drifted out of my system over the following weeks.

But even though my memories of Remicade are a little traumatic, I know it was paramount in returning me to health. It is the one thing that kept me out of emergency surgery and bought me precious time to heal, taper off the prednisone a bit and see Dr. Brown, who I mentioned in my last post. My story might have turned out so differently without it. I know there are many thousands of  people with IBD and other diseases who rely on this drug and that it has changed their lives for the better. So yes, even though Remi and I didn’t end up getting along, I am extremely thankful for our short time together.