When I woke up this morning, I had anticipated getting so much more done including writing a different blog entry than this; one that included a short new video. Instead, all I managed to check off my list was a physical therapy appointment, grocery shopping and a very messy appliance change with an uncooperative stoma which led to extra laundry and some other clean-up duties. So much for expectations!
One good unexpected thing that happened today was that I got my hip MRI results. I didn’t think I would find out what the test revealed until tomorrow. My primary care doctor told me that the radiology report showed some tendinosis in the joint, but no avascular necrosis. Before I throw a huge party, she does want my orthopedic doctor to also look at the MRI to make sure he concurs with the findings. Still, I am hugely relieved by the news as I would think it would be pretty unlikely that something wasn’t caught in the MRI.
I realize through all my recent hip pain woes, I was hoping for the best, but preparing for and anticipating the worst. The pain in my hip has felt exactly like the AVN in my shoulder and I was really dreading getting the MRI results because I was almost certain they would say that I had developed the disease in another joint. Every research study I could find on steroid-induced shoulder AVN said that it was common for it to also show up in the hip joint. How could my worsening hip pain not be caused by AVN? It seemed like a given and yet it turns out this is not the problem. The ironic thing is that I originally thought my shoulder issue was tendonitis and it ended up being AVN. Now I was sure the hip problem had to be AVN, and here it is likely tendonitis! Again, so much for expectations.
More and more I am finding that trying to anticipate what is going to happen with my health conditions is completely futile. I have always found it to be very important to research my health issues in order to make the best decisions possible regarding treatment options, but at some point I have also found it necessary to surrender to the many unknowns and simply put my trust in my doctors.
I have come across so many stories of people whose AVN has been missed in tests, so of course I start to wonder if that could end up being me. However, it makes me miserable to constantly speculate over whether or not things are being treated correctly, or whether or not I am doing absolutely everything I can to control the outcome of a disease. I went through this with my ulcerative colitis. There was always one more opinion I should get… one more diet I should go on… one more try this. Eventually all that wondering just got to be too much for me. I am at that point with the avascular necrosis. My biggest hope right now is to simply find a doctor I am comfortable with for this condition. I have an appointment with another orthopedic doctor soon who was highly recommended to me to get another take on my AVN case, but once I consult with him, I am going to ride this out and see what happens.
From now on, instead of hoping for the best, but expecting the worst, I am going to try to hope for the best and trust that everything will somehow work out.